Emptiness a unique cognitive dissonation.

All I ever wanted to do in the past few days was to get over with my marketing project. A project which started small and then snowballed into the size of an elephant. When choosing a country for the project we chose Chile, a third world country. Yes, third world is exactly we thought it was until truth came out one after another like pearl from oyster. The project went from being BORING in caps to super interesting. Whole Foods in Chile, we said in our comment, would prosper. Reason being sound fiscal policies followed by Chile is helping Chile rise up faster than ever in the race called globalization. At one time all I did for five days was dig for information on Chile and its demo graph. There is just so much that I did not know about Chile. After hours and hours of work I managed to complete the project. Today when submitting the project my team mate and I almost fainted with exhaustion. I am glad its over. Now I can take a break before other projects start getting due. Yeah! all the time my way from school to home I thought of 101 things I could do in the next few days of thanks giving vacation. Once home I realized I could not sit idle for more than three hours straight. Without much effort I opened my laptop and started to blog. Why are we humans never content with what we think will make us happy. Al right let me not generalize why was it that I could not be happy with the state I was in when I wanted to be in that state of emptiness all the time?

I gave it a thought and came up with this theory that is called,"Emptiness a unique cognitive dissonation." Yes, we all are our own consumers. We make trade-off with ourselves and after a while realize that the option that was supposed to make us happy is not exactly working. A clear case of dissonance. Confused state of mind and it is cognitive. So what exactly is the solution. Is not it obvious silly, more work! Now is the time for me to get back to things that have been staring at me like the geico thing for a long time. I rub them off when I am busy and cuddle and hug them when I am jobless. I am sure when I start doing things that I planned to do when I have more time will very soon make me unhappy and I will then again crave for free time. It is a vicious circle but that circle is so important because it makes us all appreciate what we do not have. Sitting ideal even for a few hours made me happy and appreciate what I did not have and then I was unhappy with free time. Result I gave in to blogging and now while blogging the same feeling of dissonance is making me grab some other work. My theory reinforces itself every thirty seconds. Maybe I am wrong or maybe I am right anyways its time for me to quit blogging and move on to something else. 

Bygones are bygones!

I aim to move forward and look at good over bad. But I see more of bad than good. I guess it is human nature to not let go of wrong. As human I define myself and others around me. I do not think before I go an extra mile for people I care. Who do I care more for? I do not know because I care equally for all. Is that what I did wrong? Did I care for the ones who cared less about me?Maybe this is a wake up call that I should care for myself and me and not for everybody! But that's what and who I am. I care and will care. Then why the questions? Questions like should I continue to be myself and do what I have been doing for people around me? Should I trust people? I do not know. I am lost and confused. My heart is heavy with profound feeling of disappointment. Why did what ever that happened, happen? Where did I go wrong? Was I too blind to see that people are not what they look? Questions echo inside my head all the time. Questions that are dark as night and deep as the sea. Answers seem to elude me. I look for answers in people. I talk about my pain, sometimes I laugh it out, sometimes I cry and sometimes I just choose to forget it. But forgetting turns out is not easy, forgiving is. So I decide to forgive for now but I will not forget. I will remember and not let bygones be bygones!

Moi Corolla

Yesterday I was late to school. Being late is not only an offense but a curse since the parking lot gets FULL and one finds oneself cruising every single street, nook and corner for parking space. Thankfully for me, yesterday, I had taken my teeny tiny corolla to school, which I cooly parked in miniature of a space next to 7/11, a few furlongs away, from the building where my classes are held. What would have I done if I had taken our SUV which is the size of an elephant? Of course I love our SUV just for the pleasure of driving it and in fact at times get annoyed that my husband claims his right on it! But yesterday I was just happy that I was in my Corolla, something,  I all the time, think of trading for a Nissan 350Z. Not that Nissan 350Z is any bigger than Corolla but it is a muscle car and its super fancy. But the hazards of parking a fancy car in a 24 minute parking space for two hours right opposite to 7/11 is that it becomes an easy target for tickets. You see cops love to circle streets close to schools and when they see a shiny car in a 24 minute parking space they wait till the 24 minute phase passes and then walk like Patrick Swazye towards the car and stick a $50 ticket in between the wipers of the car. 

With Corolla there are no such risks. I can park it where ever I want and be just fine. Yesterday too was a similar experience. My corolla  had over stayed the parking time but fortunately managed to not earn tickets. The feeling was of not getting ticket makes me fall all over in love with Corolla and appreciate its simple but worthy appearance. It might be a rugged ten year old Corolla and not a Nissan 350Z or BMW but it helps me be ticket-free in life which is more than what fancy cars could do for me. Someday even if I do buy a fancy car I will still own my good old Corolla; if not for anything else then for old times sake. Love you moi corolla!

Buy or not to Sell?

In my lifetime I have always come across people who are extremes. One who save too much and the other who save nothing. Its very rare that I have seen someone who knows how to strike a balance. I have had arguments with all three kinds of people and none of them has been able to fascinate me. Then there are some like my husband who no matter what manage to loose money. Not because they want to but because something beyond their control happens and the money from the bank account just vanishes. So what is the right approach? I am no Warren Buffet or Suze Orman but from what I have learnt from my finance courses at school and experience from work is that there is no one who can not save or not stop saving too much. It's a personal choice. We as individuals find ways to do things we want to do. Which means we have control on how we save or spend money. I had a professor who always said that life was all about making choices and living with it. I totally agree with her. 

As adults no one but only we know when to start and when to stop. There are things we are good at and things we are not good at. We can try and master things we are not good at or look for professional help. I have come across infinite number of people who say they know all about stocks and they are probably the ones who loose  most of their money in  stock market. I feel for such humble beings. 

There are enough noble laureates out there who started hedge funds that went straight down the drain. And then there is George Soros who made millions and millions on his quantum fund. The darling of the stock market title goes to Warren Buffet, he wins it hands down.

Stock market has its own charm. It is like a mistress to many since it can change colors, be extremely demanding, sometimes give pleasure but most of the time elude. Key is to know what indicates the mood swings.

Personally I take second opinion from my advisor on whatever investments I make. If one reads Warren Buffet's autobiography the first lesson one learns is that information, lots and lots of information along with math is the secret to success. Who provides information about the stock market? Obviously many people who know it all plus the well trained analysts who do detailed home work before they publish their results. Most of the time information comes from the sell side analysts. Buy side analysts keep it mum. Generally because they do not get the required information from the firm. Which means we, as humans should look for lot of opinion all the time. Warren Buffet knows it all but still seeks expert opinion and that has worked for him for not five or ten but for over thirty years. 

Accepting that we do not know something does not make us less of a person. It makes us Warren Buffet. ;-)

I always say this as an example to people,"You know where to get oil for your engine, you also know where to pour the oil but do you do all that on your own?" NO! You go to a specialist. Investing in a market is the same. Spending $300 an year on an advisor can save you tons and tons of trouble. These advisors do not wake up one day and say,"Gee! I am bored with the current profession I guess I will become an advisor." It is a long process. Of course there are some who mislead people and I in no way advocate such individuals. But at the same time there are a few who are genuine. Through this all I am trying to say is that there is help out there. All we need to do is weigh pros and cons and make the right call. 

For instance a particular company's stock  at one time sky rocketed but then as the economy tanked it went nose down. I checked the balance sheet of the company along with the footnotes and I realized that the firm had a lot of potential. And based on my research I gave  this  one person free advice to continue holding the considered company's stock. The Counter argument to my free advice was," You say it is a good firm then why is it not performing?" For which I replied look around. What does the economy look like to you? The fact that this company has a good growth rate in spite of this godforsaken economy should ring a bell in your head. You should well equip yourself with "BUY AND HOLD" strategy for this stock. The next question obviously was, how long? This was and always is an interesting question.

How long is based on so many factors such as the economy, competitors, and so many other things. At a time when everything in the market is crumbling people overreact to the smallest of things. Smallest of performance during good times is celebrated with laurels and biggest of achievement in tough times looks unsatisfactory. Everything can be measured and quantified but the psyche of the market is hard to follow. There is only so much one can do to understand what exactly causes panic. Numbers can define many things but not everything. 

Therefore one should always invest in stocks based on one's need. Short term, long term or medium term. Try and keep a good balance between bonds and stocks. If you have stock options given to you at IPO price or ESPP's use it prudently. Not everything needs to be sold. Check the company's balance sheet, read as much as you can about the firm and the market. Remember information is power. If not for anything else get an advisor at least to clear all your doubts. Making money is easy but making decision is difficult. There are times when a stock is worth $10 and the next day worth $150 or $0.10 cents. Was it luck. NO! Probably you missed something vital or you ran out of patience or were over confident. Find out what was that caused you to miss the signals and then work on it.

Again I am no expert advisor myself,  but I am a person who has some idea of what happens in the market. I might not be able to help someone make a fortune but I can sure guide people as a friend and a fellow human being. 

So far I have successfully guided a few of my friends and they are thankful I did which makes me and them equally happy. But only we can be our own best friend and by following what I have said might not help one  end up like Warren Buffet but it sure will help keep you from ending like,"Joe, the stock market loser."

Home Sweet Home

As a kid the best highlight in my life was my home. I was that odd specimen who would roam whole of the world but at the end still be happy that I was home. 

Like most people in Mumbai me and my family lived in this tiny two bedroom apartment that was a little over 800 square feet. There was one master bedroom for my parents and a living room for us kids. The living room was magical since it donned different garb at different hours of the day. For instance in the day it was living room, by noon it was our eating space, by evening it became  entertainment/dining room and at night it was bedroom  for me and my sister. For sixteen years I  grew up in that lilliput size of a home and not once did I feel that anything was missing from my life. I had my parents, sister and all my loved ones right there in that small apartment. During festivals it could hold close to fifteen people who shared the same bathroom and slept wherever they found place. No one cribbed not me or my relatives. We all knew having a two bedroom apartment in Mumbai in a strategic location was like owning a house in paradise.

 Everything seemed normal till my parents decided to move to Bangalore. Now Bangalore you see in the 90's was much greener and less crowded than it is right now. I remember teasing my parents. I used to call Bangalore the "Retirement Zone." Alas! not for long. Today Bangalore is anything but a retirement zone. Of course I am glad that India's economy is taking a new form and being a hard core economist at heart I applaud the growth in all major cities of India. Now when I talk to my parents they find it hard to keep up with the pace. My father goes,"I might as well live in Mumbai." And I feel why not? Mumbai being my birthplace wins hands down and never stops to fascinate me. I crave for it all the time. Guess that's how we Mumbaikar's are.  No matter where we go we always compare the city with Mumbai and go,"Un Huh nothing can beat Mumbai."Once someone in the US asked me,"So where are you from?" And I replied,"I am from Mumbai." And the guy went,"So you are an Indian?" I answered yes I am an Indian from Mumbai. Well that is how it is for us unique Mumbai people.

Anyways I came to Bangalore and realized that most houses in Bangalore were actually HOUSES. I mean they were independent unlike apartment and generally bigger in size than an apartment. Some of them were very big and when I say that I am not joking. When I was in Bangalore in the 90's apartments where a rare sight to see. My parents happily settled down in Bangalore with my sister and her family. They lived up stairs in a five bedroom bungalow with  my sister and her family. That is when I first developed taste for big houses. I liked the idea of walking for thirty seconds to reach the bathroom. The bungalow bug bit me hard in the 90's and has ever since been growing inside me. The bug has quadrupled over years and  now in the US I keep telling my husband about how much I love big homes and that I dream to buy one someday .

There was a time in 2007 where my husband and I had almost decided to buy a home.We had made intelligent (at least that is what we thought) assumptions about the market and houses. We totally got into the mode of buying a big home or bungalow as I call them and started the process of looking for homes through a website which gave information about houses, area and their prices. The deal was I would list down all the areas and houses which fell into our lousy budget of peanuts and the next weekend my husband and I would  visit them. One time we drove  fifty miles only to turn back in the middle of the way because of the huge back up on the freeway. I remember saying,"I do not think this will work for us. I want a house not a vacation rental." We were new to California from Texas. In Texas driving to do grocery is a journey in its own way. The only difference is traffic. It is not just as crowded as California is. When we drove those fifty miles on a weekend we realized there was too much traffic. Think about driving during peak hours. We probably might never make it to the destination on time.

That first encounter woke us up a little but not altogether. We then decided to try closer areas and ended up visiting a house in south San jose. An area I would never ever visit again. The houses were more like Ghettos in Chicago. I was so shaken by that experience that I said," Chethan I think we are doing a big mistake and we should do this through an agent."

Next we visited an agent who asked us whether we had gotten a pre-approval from the bank for a loan. Finding that amusing I decided to go to the nearest bank where I met this banker who convinced me that we could get loans for 'zero' down payment.He took a long time to explain what fixed interest or variable rate of return was and so on. I shook my head and applied for a pre-approval of loan for an amount that even I was ashamed to quote. But then I was naive and arrogant at the same time. You know I over rode the feeling  that because I was young I was invincible and that knowing to count meant that I was good at math. Of course I knew the feeling was not right but I anyways chose to believe it just for the heck of it.

The next time we met the agent we proudly listed our accomplishments. The agent looked at us and said," So how much are you paying down?" At this question my husband and I went blank. We thought we could buy a home for 'zero' down payment. Where was this agent from? Mars? Did he not know that? Then his question made me angry. But today I am glad that we met such a caring agent. When the agent saw us looking at each other he instantly knew we were amateurs and that were in real  need of guidance. As a part of a workshop he explained that getting a pre-approval involved dipping credit score which was an essential in getting home loans. When we heard that we were both worried but glad that now we knew what mistakes not to do. As they say its all about the learning curve. The agent then took us through various areas and explained that houses in bay area were determined by the school districts they belonged to. Good school district meant good price for the house and zero spending on kids education. Whereas not so good school district meant spending around $3000 for four hours every week at a private school for a three year old kid. And the fees increased as the kid grew. 

So the first lesson we learnt was to never go for pre-approvals without having money ready for down payment.  My uncle whom I later consulted said not to go for zero down payment ever or adjustable mortgage since refinancing could be expensive and the rates could fluctuate to any level.

The next one was to know how to tap areas with good school district or tap good areas themselves with smaller houses. The agent had suggested this plan that young couples could always follow. As a young couple, the agent explained, that we did not have to worry about buying big house at the very beginning. The strategy, he said, was to first buy a small home so that we  can rent it when we wanted to transit to a bigger home or at least sell it profitably in order to transit to a bigger home.

Third lesson we learnt was to find a good agent like the one we had and never just buy a home on our own. There are so many things that the agents know and we do not. For example there was this beautiful house in Fremont which apparently  as it so happens was built on some graveyard. Had the agent not told us that we would have had been in great trouble. Since not every one feels comfortable living and walking on  people's dead body. It's like making the expression,"Over my dead body" true.

After this eye opening experience Chethan and I decided to hold on our horses. It is not that we did not know what we  were told. It is just that we never thought about all these things. Our only focus was home. We wanted to buy a home. Period. We had to learn from the Japanese swordsman Miamoto to not only concentrate on the point of the enemy's sword but also on other sides since the attack always comes from the less obvious place. Well better late than never.We took it in the right spirit and decided to carry on with our lives and work our way towards buying the home we both so very much want. Meanwhile I got busy with school and  Chethan got busy with work. 

Today when we visit people's home we mentally appraise the value and discuss about the pros and cons. Getting everything such as good school district, beautiful house and wonderful neighbors is a gift bestowed upon a very few. What we as individuals can do is try. Try our best to not make the choice of our first home a disaster. That is the reason when I meet people who are house hunting I suggest they go to a good real estate agent. These are people who if good can help and save you from so much trouble and the unknown. At least our real estate agent did help us and for that we are ever indebted to him. And for the ones who have already bought a home and feel that they probably made the wrong decision I say,"No worries. What makes a home invaluable is not the area or the school district. It's the moment you spend with your family, the memories you make and the laughs and cries you share with your loved ones." Just live in that home and enjoy every single minute of it. 

Most of the time  we as individuals  think we know everything but sometimes knowing everything but missing pieces can prove financially fatal. What is important is not brooding over the past. Key is to learn from the curve and make prudent choices in future and that is what Chethan and I did. For now we have other agendas to think about and home is not our main plan but it is definitely there on the list.  As we move up the list I am sure we will one day own a den that we will proudly  call,"Home Sweet Home."