Of so many men that I have met in the bay area most of them are engineers. They all have spouses who are engineers. And the non-engineer wives either end up being house-wives or wait to shine after they get their permanent residency. I am neither an engineer nor a house wife. I am a student doing her MBA at Santa Clara University. People say what I am doing is expensive and that returns are not guaranteed and some say it is a risky but prudent investment. But I say that I am a math experiment. It's like two vultures looking at their prey and judging,"Should we eat it if the prey has masters or maybe we should eat it the one with bachelors?" or "Should we eat the prey based on which GOOD school she/he went to?" "Say you know what, let's regress!" Feels overwhelming doesn't it!
On the contrary if a man gets a wife with basic engineering degree in something it seems like the man made the right choice and ten or fifteen years later you will find the same man (after a lot of calculation) doing MBA at Santa Clara University and adoring you for doing MBA at an early age. Strange are the ways of men.
Then the men who have housewives. Please stop explaining to people every time you meet as to why your wife is at home. Trust me I do not care! Just because your wife is not interested to work does not make house wives hot. As for me I feel like the hen who would some day lay (golden/rotten) who knows eggs for my spouse. I am sure there are many others out there who are contemplating as to what will happen to me, golden or rotten egg? Interesting is not it? I can become somebody's thesis for doctorate!
For now I shall go to school and attend lectures and try to become a bright student. Will I ace in my subjects or life I do not know? If someone out there has a crystal ball with my name on it, or is good in math and can use probability theory or calculus, please let me know. It will save a lot of trouble for lot of people ;-)
Hey Roopali.. What we are today is based on the choices we made yesterday! It's individual's own choice..! U decided to study further for your own good.. As you are deeply passionate about it.. When you are that penchanted for it, returns for it hardly matters.. However I sincerely hope that you get the best returns and I am sure you will..!!
ReplyDeleteComing to your point about men marrying engineers, not all of them marry engineer girls with the intention of getting into rat race.. It might also be for reasons such as same frequency in thoughts,similar expectations from each other (as each one understands the demands of the others job) etc., etc., And Non-engineer does not make anyone any lesser or greater than engineer.. Come on! We have come too far from it.. You are talking of the ages belonging to 70s and 80s! And it adds no value when one is deciding to get married.. as You basically look for a companion.. not a engineer or non engineer.. as you are not "hiring" a husband or a wife.. you are "marrying"!!
And being a house wife is again one's own choice.. I completely respect a home-maker and my kudos to her for making a house a "home".. Although I am not a house wife (as it is not my choice again!) I can vouch that being a "complete home-maker" is a tougher profession than any other profession in the world.. and my hats off to every woman who has chosen that out of choice..!
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ReplyDeleteLOL was expecting reasons for us being good at Math and the blog contextually shifted to men in bay area and the fate of their life partners.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, choices made by a couple are based on what is best for them together and in the long run. I do not want to comment on the men returning to school. But if someone makes decisions on the basis of the naturalisation process, then they are wholly responsible for their aspirations. Countries like the US take away the productive years of a person by holding the carrot of citizenship. By the time a person achieves his material dreams his best years at work are over, and he will have to either upgrade his skills or return to India which may not be an option.
The underlying tone of this post I am afraid is biased towards men and the women who don't work.
Culturally, for Indians if a woman is educated she should work, what if she doesn't want to work because she chooses to holiday, cook, paint,act and write at the expense of her husband? There's nothing to it..
Again studying and making the moolah is one angle of life choices. If one makes the investment they better get the returns.If someone spends on an MBA they have to be able to repay the loan or have parents/husbands who can, so that all that they earn goes to improving their lifestyle.
For ex:if my husband went to the ivy league, has completed an MBA at 27 and is already in a senior position at his firm making the moolah, I would choose to concentrate my education and values towards choices where I can affect change and be involved with not for profit organizations.I would have enough flexibility and enjoy pursuing my hobbies at painting, theatre and writing.
Where would the math go wrong if there is a balance between the choices made?
Also, please note that on an average American families have more stay at home moms than Indian urban families. It's mainly necessity and convenience driven.
manasa,
ReplyDeleteI do not think you read the blog right. I have not said anywhere it is wrong to be an engineer or a non-engineer. All I am saying is that men or women make certain choices and are not sure about their choices made and then start justifying their choices. I have meet enough people in Bay area who do that. It might not be 70's year wise but I still have not seen the years advance in the minds of the people.
Again as I said and will say it is an opinion based on my observation. My point is that people you make choices, live with it and let others live with their choices.
Kaaya,
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading the post.
No where in the blog have I said its wrong to be a housewife. All I am saying is be a rock star, housewife, career woman and what not BUT do not justify your career to me. I have specifically said I do not care ;-)
Just that most of the time people men or women justify their decision and go to the extent of making other people believe in something that the other person does not give much about.
So read my blog with a pinch of salt and have fun!
Manasa,
ReplyDeleteAlso thanks for reading the blog. And good to know that you love women in all professions. So do I. Well I guess it depends on as to how you interpret the blog.
Have fun,
Roopali
Hey Roopali,
ReplyDeleteI read ur tale with a lot of salt, pepper and some masala .. but that's just me and how i like to enjoy my reading.
Firstly, did not see any connection with the title and the little tale I just read.
Secondly, So, since you seem to be a go getter and do things on your own(thats how you came across here), did you go out and look for an ice cream vendor/ burger vendor/ etc to marry? And I would be really proud of you if you did it, as my dream when I was a 3 yr old was to marry the ice cream man... and now you would have done it. But when i grew up I realized why my parents were looking for qualified men for me (as in if I have completed my MBa, they would like me to marry a man of the same or higher qualification) And here are the reasons.
1. We have grown up with certain luxuries in life and we expect it to remain so (seems very materialistic but is true, you have to admit it). So by marrying another who is qualified to earn that kind of a lifestyle, you can live happily.
2. And also (saying this with experience), a dentist would like to marry another dentist, because he can come home and discuss his work at home with his wife, and the best thing...she understands exactly what you are saying...miracle??!!??. So it could be just about having the minds connect.
3. A man who is all serious who is just very focused on his career and does nothing but work, will be more happy with a housewife and not a woman involved with her job. He might just lighten up and distract himself from work and enjoy the simpler things in life. At the end , he is happy and she kept him happy. And will prevent him from getting a heart attack (people who do not enjoy the simple things in life are most prone to it).
4. And, say u are not very well qualified or plain "i hate studying/working"..but parents are looking out for a very qualified guy... now u might say that this will not balance equations. But i say its the best. he has enough credentials to earn a decent living for you and he loves u for the person u r and what joy u bring to his life and his home by just being u...A win, win situation. she lives happily and so does he!! very calculative ... but a very happy life, as no one is complaining.
And I can go on and on....
Also, do take the time and effort to find out why someone is a housewife or why she enjoys being at home. I am sure you will get to see the true essence of a female. Its worth the effort
P.s- men usually do look for the obvious to adore and complement their wives.. she completing her education early on.. is just one of the things... n also...its not strange!!
Roopali, good for you for pursuing an MBA at SCU. Good for you that you do not care about others justifying their "profession" to you.
ReplyDeleteIf you were to re-read your post, you'd see why the others made responses as they did.
You are clearly self-contradictory.
And the reason you are doing an MBA, is not because you want to, it's because you have nothing better to do to secure, hopefully a job which sponsors your H1-B.
Sorry if I sound rude, but you posted this on a public forum and well, responses such as mine and opinions will keep flooding it.
You might not care about what we have to say, and just because we've responded doesn't make you famous (or infamous), it just means we like being what we are, "Desperate Housewives" ;-)
PS: I am proud that my husband is good at math.. if he weren't, I wouldn't have had me gifted a house for our wedding!
jus to add on to Grungematic... she may be doing her studying coz shes no fun at home n her hubby thot it was money well spent if that colg gave her a lil bit of "fun" in life...!
ReplyDeleteits jus a thought...mind u now..."i don't care for any justifications" for ur actions now.
OMG ...I am not an Indian but I jus made a calculative comment. wow!!
Riddhi, I wouldn't bring her husband into this conversation. Why blame it on him for her idiosyncrasies?
ReplyDeleteyeps, not a good idea... coz i jus read her "are women half the sky?"
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ReplyDeleteI am glad Riddhi and Grungematic you now have so much more to talk and blog about.You can make good use of time.
ReplyDeleteI wrote the blog long time ago after an experience with someone and moved on to other things. Seems like you want to read that one blog and disect it and then add comments on it. Feel free to do so.You can read it 100 times, comment on it, you can keep wondering whether I am fun or not? Whether I will get a job or not? And so on so forth.No matter what the blog will remain there the way it is. My opinion won't change because for me I am right from my point of view just the way you feel you are right from your point of view.
I take each comment in true stride and with grace and will continue to blog irrespective of what others have to say. Coz as you said it is a public forum and I am in a free country where I can blog what I feel. I wrote few words that I felt was right. I am not justifying my blog because I do not have to. I feel what I blogged is right and will stick to it. And leave others to interpret it in whatever manner they want to. I am glad that people read my blog and react. Not because it makes me popular or unpopular just because people speak up and speaking up takes guts. I respect you for that. Good luck.