Abuse, half the sky, and, women!

As I read and am still reading Half the Sky I was stunned to see that most abuse against women is either done, instigated or supported by women. For instance a mother-in-law triggers problems between couples and then persuades her son to physically, verbally or emotionally abuse his wife, another woman. And what's worse is that sons are made to believe by such mothers that it is OK to abuse a woman to show her, her place or teach her a lesson.

 Unbelievable! First I was in denial but then come to think of it, is not it true? My maid in India came home abused every single day. Her mother in law would take all the money she earned and blame that she was hiding some more. Drunk son would release his energy by abusing his wife, my maid. When I asked her why she was still with her husband? She would timidly reply,"I live with him and die with him. Where can I go? I have little children." Had my maid been educated may be then she would have walked out on her abusive husband. If not walked out at least retaliated. 

Yesterday I was talking to my aunt who mentioned that her friend divorced her husband of twenty five years. Quite unusual in India. Divorce itself is a stigma in India and if a woman gets divorced very young then life for her is practically over. I am not saying that a man is wrong or a woman is right. Just that men are not just as stigmatized as women in India. Pretty unfortunate I would say. To get back to my conversation with my aunt who was horrified over what happened and kept stressing how wrong it was for her friend to leave her husband and at one point even mentioned that her friend was not what she looked, that she was abusive too! (This I found hilarious since I have known her friend too). Seems like my aunt wanted to somehow think that the man was right and the woman WRONG! I on the other hand was glad that the lady did the right thing. I have known her husband just as long and have seen him come home drunk every day, abuse her and sometimes get other women. The only reason she stayed in the marriage was because she was not very educated and of course for the kids. She knew if she left early, her husband, would never give her their kids plus she had no support financial, emotional or educational. What would she do? Now her kids all grown up have taken her in and have started retaliating against their father. Having said that does it still make it right for people to blame the wife for the divorce? I do not know. My aunt is of an older generation where women stayed with their spouses no matter how the man treated her. But for my generation it is unimaginable. Based on my thoughts I did tell my aunt to not talk ill of her friend but support her because this is the time I know for sure her friend will need her the most. Also I reminded her that she was a woman too and asked her to put herself in her friends shoes. In spite of my persuasion my aunt was like,"Nooo Roopa....!" 

Well I will not be able to change my aunt but will stand by women who are indeed abused and not name or trash them. Reading half the sky makes me realize that education is one tool that can make women independent in every way. I was blessed to have a cocooned life but to assume that every one has the same is a misnomer. This book is such an eye opener that I am inclined to work for the cause. I may not be able to change the world but if I can change lives of a few women that would be worth the effort.