Amani

She stared at the rat poison on her table for a long time. She was angry, very angry that her father had forced her to marry the slow guy. Slow, they said! Nonsense, she thought.He was not slow on the night of the wedding. He knew to force her into something she was not interested. He had slapped her once and Amani had slapped back. But that did not stop Raja. He had a grin on his face all the time that he beat her. He kicked her in her stomach and then there where the pain seemed unbearable. She had wanted to scream but she was scared that someone would hear her. When all was done Raja had slept like a baby. Ignorant of her and what he had done to her. Amani was crushed. Things were not supposed to be like this she thought. He is a slow guy how did he know what to do to her on their wedding night. Disgust, anger, and resentment that she always had against men grew so much so in her that she wanted to end her life that very moment and second.

But then she was scared of dying. The nerve in her head throbbed. She was in pain.She closed her eyes and her eyes hurt. So she decided to lay down on the floor at the bottom of the bed with her eyes open. All through the night she could hear Raja snoring and she hated it. And sometime in the middle of the night when she did close her eyes, she dreamt. She dreamt of her college friend Prakash.

How they had both liked each other. How they wanted to be with each other. But he was not a Brahmin, he was a Dalit, which meant that she could never get married to him. He was from a low caste and people said that a Brahmin who marries a Dalit goes to hell after death. Amani had believed it and refused to elope with Prakash on the evening of her marriage.

"I do not want to be in hell when I am dead. I am in hell now. Atleast let me get heaven after I die," said Amani. Prakash a brilliant boy who had planned to go to Dubai for work had laughed at her for what she had said. He had tried to convince her that there is no hell or heaven. It is all nonsense. He told her,"We make hell or heaven on earth. It is us humans who make caste. You are an educated girl. How can you believe in this nonsense? Come with me and I will keep you happy. I promise" But Amani was relentless. Without any protest she had married Raja, the slow guy.

Now in her dreams she kept calling for Prakash and Prakash had come to rescue her. They had both managed to elope to Dubai in her dream. She saw tall buildings in her dreams. The buildings were just like the pictures in the magazine. Prakash was just about to show her the gift he had bought for her when she felt someone whispering "Good Morning" into her ears. She thought it was Prakash. She opened her eyes only to find Raja. Oh! how she hated him.

"Good morning," Raja said once again. Amani pretended to be asleep. And it was at that moment when Raja begged her to wake up. He said,"Please wake up amma expects everyone to be up before the prayers at 8am. If you do not wake up then she will be angry at me and not give me anything. Not the lands nor the money. Nothing from the property. You follow her and she will give you everything. She loves me and she will like you."

Amani heard everything and chose not to wake up. After trying for some time Raja left. Exactly at 7.30 am Amani heard a knock at the door. When she did not open Raja's mother, Jakamma kicked the door open, walked straight inside and took her by the hair. She dragged Amani down to the bathroom. She pushed her inside and gave her exactly ten minutes to get ready. She called Raja and asked him to keep a check on her. She said,"If after ten minutes she is not ready then take some kerosene and pour it on her. Once you do that call me. I will come and personally set her on fire."

Amani heard it and became alert. By now she knew that Raja was Jakamma's puppet and would not think twice before setting her up on fire. She feared the worst and locked the bathroom door tight. She was scared that Raja would peek in. Every now and then Amani could hear Raja singing and counting time down. According to Raja Amani had gotten ready in eight minutes. "Amma will be proud. You will see," he said and gave Amani a big slow smile.

Once the prayers were done Jakamma called Raja to a corner and whispered something in his ears. Raja at once nodded his head and left. Amani hated Raja but in the last forty eight hours Raja was the only person Amani had known in the big old house. And now he was gone. Jakamma called her elder daughter-in-law, Sudha, and asked her to assign some work to Amani.

Sudha was extremely polite with Amani. Amani had liked her instantly. Sudha sweet talked Amani into more work than expected and at the end of the day Amani was dead like a log. In the evening when she got permission to return back to her room she found that her belongings were missing. Except a few clothes everything else including her jewelry she noticed was gone. She instantly knew what Jakamma had whispered into Raja's ears. When looking for her belongings Amani had found a knife. It was a little blunt. To sharpen it she used the metal window bars of her room. Once done she waited for Raja to return.

Raja came to the room at eight in the night and walked towards her to grab her. Amani immediately pulled her knife and pointed it towards him. She touched the side of the knife and said,"Stay away from me.If you come one step towards me then I will stab you."

Her threat had worked. Like a dog Raja moved back and made way for her. He let her sit on the bed and made room for himself on the floor. Amani found this behavior of Raja odd. She knew that he could be easily manipulated. She told him bluntly,"Look, if you tell anyone about what I told you today then I will kill you. Believe me I will. You be good to me like a friend and I will be good to you." Raja nodded his head in agreement and smiled.

The next day things went on the same way and so three months passed. During that time Amani had learnt to make Raja do things for her. She awarded his deeds with some intimacy.Her trick she thought was working. Raja she thought was now officially her puppet. What she did not know was that Jakkamma had been following her strategy but had cut leniency because Jakamma thought Amani would produce Jakamma more heirs. When nothing happened for six months she called Raja in her room and gave him the ultimatum.

Suddenly Amani's plan had gone topsy turvy. Raja had turned against her. He was scared of the knife so he did not physically abuse her but he did pass nasty comments about her when in public, he ignored her, and started to sleep outside the room. Amani knew Jakamma was behind Raja's actions but she also knew that if she got a chance to talk to Raja alone in private then things would work in her favor.

Unfortunately for Amani, Jakamma knew that too and had made sure that Amani suffered in remote. Jakamma believed in divide and rule and started to favor Sudha over Amani. She would praise Sudha in public by saying," At least you gave me a grand son. This one is infertile." Sudha loved to be praised and supported Jakamma in tormenting Amani by giving her more work than Amani could possibly do.

Amani was desperate now she knew she had to come with up a master plan, a new one that would save her from her fate.

Though determined to fight Jakamma, Amani was sometimes overwhelmed by the cold war.She felt like she had traded one rat hole for another. She craved to meet her mother but she knew Jakamma would never let her go. Amani's mother had met her once or twice but Amani's father had soon caught her leaving the house without his permission. He punished Amani's mother by kicking her abdomen several times which left Amani's mother bed ridden for months and that put an end to the visits which Amani had always so much looked forward for.

Amani was all alone. She knew that she had to fight and win this battle. She was not ready to spend the rest of her life slaving for another dictator like her father.

One night Amani made up her mind to talk to Raja about the whole situation. Somewhere around 1am Amani sneaked out of her room to the living room downstairs where Raja slept in a separate cot right next to his mother's. There was no light. Amani used the smallest of torch with the weakest of beam. With every step she took towards Raja's bed she feared she would wake Jakamma up.

But Jakamma slept very well which probably was the reason for her long and healthy life. When Amani finally reached Raja she rubbed some spit from her mouth on one of her fingers. She used one hand to cover Raja's mouth and the other to rub the spit on his closed eyes. When Raja felt the dampness in his eyes he gave out a shriek. But Amani had a good grip on his mouth and succeeded in waking only him and not anyone else up.

When Raja saw that it was her he pulled his face away but then Amani gave him a smile and stroked his hands fondly. Raja liked it and got up from his cot. He followed Aamani to their room where Amani did what she had to do. Later when in his arms she turned to Raja and asked,"Do you love me?" Raja grinned and said, "Yes." "Then why do you go away from me?" asked Amani. "Amma told me to do so," said Raja. The answer made Amani's stomach churn with anger. "But I am the one who will be there for you once Amma dies. What if I leave you then and go away? Would you like it?" "No,No, Amma should not die," and saying so Raja started to cry. Amani held him tight and said,"Amma will not die now Raja but what if she dies after a few years. We will all die with time. Would you want me to be there for you then or not?"

Raja started sweating at the thought of being alone. "No, No, After Amma I want you Ammu. I love you." Amani was content with the answer. "So don't go away from me. Don't take and give my things to your mother. We will need it for our children someday." Raja nodded head in agreement and then shook with disagreement. "No but what if Amma," he said,"What if Amma does not give us anything from the property?" Amani cut him and said,"You have a government job and you can give tuitions. I can stitch blouses for ladies in the village. There is nothing to fear. We don't need her money. And after all what will anyone get from selling these lands. They are worthless now in 21st century." Raja did not understand the last part. All he wanted was to be with Amani, feel the warmth of her body, breathe on to her neck and have three meals a day. And yes he also wanted a son he said. He continued,"But I love Amma. I will not leave her." Amani said," We do not have to. There is this small piece of land down hill which belongs to your uncle. Tomorrow go and talk to him. Tell him that you have a friend in Dubai who wants to buy the land it from him. And ask him to promise to not tell Jakamma." Raja nodded his head and said,"Ok Ammu whatever you say. From tomorrow I will do all that you say."

That night Amani slept like a baby with Raja. She did not love Raja but she liked to rule. She had tasted power and now she wanted more of it. She knew she could use her power to do the right thing.

Another three months passed with Raja sneaking into the room every other night without Jakamma's knowledge. One day, Amani fainted when washing dirty dishes at the lake. Jakamma checked her pulse and said,"Hmm its time for another boy in this house. That fool of my son was smart enough to con me into believing that he never left my side at night. Anyways with five girls and one boy that Sudha gave me its time for five sons and more sons. Sudha is useless. Now its time for boys, yes, more boys." She laughed and clapped in joy.

One of Sudha's daughter told Sudha about Amani being pregnant. Sudha hated the news. She slapped her daughter and asked her to go and work in the fields or do her home work. She cried with fear and anger. She knew that now she would be nothing in the eyes of Jakamma. All that she had worked for had been destroyed by this new girl. She hated this niece of her son-in-law. She decided to harass her with more work. But what did she know that Amani had her own plans.

Amani was happy and sad. Sad because she knew that if she has a girl then things will go sour forever. To save herself she knew she had to move away from Jakamma and move away fast. The window she had gotten was small. She managed to send Raja early to work and had him in the room before night. Amani had ordered Raja to talk little to everyone and only answer the questions others asked. He had also, as per Amani's, wishes met his uncle and told him that he wanted to buy his uncle's land on behalf of a friend who currently resided in Dubai. Although Raja's uncle knew that Amani had trained Raja and was secretively scheming against Jakamma he kept mum. He hated Jakamma for not giving him the right share in the property and decided to take his revenge by supporting Raja.

Meanwhile, Jakamma had started to notice the difference in Raja's behavior but had left him alone for now that he had to take care of the child in his wife's womb. Amani was in her eighth month when her baby shower was celebrated once in Ratadi, her husband's village and another time in Udupi at her father's place. All through the function her father grumbled about the money he had to spend. And Umanatha, Amani's mother's brother, unable to bear the comments had said,"Shut up Sripati. Your daughter was married to that slow guy for free. I married that slow guys dumb niece for money I think was too little. Atleast you got rid of your problem. I got money and problem for life. So shut up and do your share of work!"

As per the custom Amani stayed at her father's house in Udupi to deliver the baby.When parting she told Raja to start the construction work on their land, which now was officially theirs and to stick to the lie that the house was for one of his friends who lived in Dubai. She called Raja when he was in school from a booth near her house in Udupi. She gave him the name and number of a lawyer who did the paper work on their land and the property Jakamma owned. It was Raja's uncle who had said,"It is not hers. Its ancestral Amani. Why are you letting it go? For all she has done take your share nothing wrong in it. Atleast you will use it for your good!" And that had been it Amani from then on had sketched a plan that she made Raja implement.

Jakamma's curiosity by now had increased and one day she could not stop herself from prying and wandered down to the place of construction. She spoke to some guys who said the same lie that Raja had told them. Unable to believe Jakamma went back to her home. She later sent her elder son Mr. Hebbar, Sudha's husband, to talk to his uncle about the land. His uncle could not resist the taste of vengeance and told the same lie that Raja had told him.Unconvinced Jakamma decided to ignore the matter for now and waited for the news.

The phone rang and the bad news was delivered. "Its a girl," Sudha said with a grin on her face. "Oh! I am ill fated. Raja is unlucky," Jakamma wailed the minute she heard the news. Jakamma was mad with fury and she decided to not invite Amani to the house nor did she ask Raja to go and get her. After waiting for four months Amani's father dumped his daughter and the grand child in Ratadi. Amani reluctantly entered the house. No one welcomed her. She went straight upstairs to her room.

Within two hours Sudha came knocking to the door and asked her to come and help her in the work. Amani refused. Jakamma was called. When Jakamma entered Amani's room she was shocked. Amani had not unpacked anything. In fact except the bed there was nothing else in the room. To Jakamma it seemed like Amani was either waiting for someone or was out of her mind. Jakamma had enough she yelled at Amani,"What are you waiting for? You husband. That fool will not come till evening. What will you do till then? Leave the baby with other children and get up to do the work."

Amani heard everything and said nothing.She had called Raja at school before leaving Udupi. She had told him what to do. She was scared a bit but it was time. She knew it was now or never.

Jakamma lost her patience she looked for something in the room to grab and hit Amani with. When Jakamma could not find anything she raised her hand. But before she could reach Amani, Amani got up, took her child and her bag, pushed Sudha and Jakamma and walked straight out of the door and down the stairs. Jakamma and Sudha kept looking at each other and Amani in shock.

Furious, Jakmma yelled at Amani,"Eh where are you going. Wait. I will teach you a lesson." Just when she went running behind her down the stairs she saw Raja waiting for Amani with cops. The cops were terrified to see a lady in her late seventies try to hit a woman much younger and stronger than her. One of the cop wondered,"The women in this country respect elders and hence keep quiet. What if this woman retaliated and kicked her. The old lady would be vegetable within minutes." The thought made the cop laugh.

The moment Jakamma saw the cops she started to wail and cry. She said,"Police have come to this temple of mine. Never before. Never did police enter. They stood outside. They are inside. All because of this witch. She hypnotized my son and wooed him away from me by using black magic.She should be arrested and put in jail" She knew and the cops knew that her story was not true.

The cops waited for her to stop howling. Then one of the cops walked up to her and said,"Madam this property in ancestral and you have done some things which we found inappropriate. We cannot help people who signed papers in the past when your husband died but with your sons you will have to divide the property equally."

For a minute Jakamma did not know what to say. Sudha broke the silence, she went,"I bore her a grand son. We should get more of the share." "Sorry madam," the cop said,"According to the law girls born after 1950's have equal share in the ancestral property." "Anyways we are not here to explain law to you. We are here to assist your son to move out of this house safely with his wife to his new home downhill and to get you to sign papers the lawyers have prepared. We cannot force you to sign but you have to sign. We will leave the papers with you and collect it from you within a week. If you don't sign within a week then we might have to arrest you."

And saying so the cop looked at Raja, Amani and the child and said,"Let's go." Silently they all left.

A week later Amani heard from the cop that Jakamma had locked herself in the room after signing the papers. "She is not drinking or eating. God knows what will happen." Surprisingly Amani did not feel bad. According to her she had done the right. A month later news came that Jakamma had suffered a stroke and wanted to see her son and grand daughter. Amani was not called for. Within a few days Jakamma died.

Mr.Hebbar remained neutral to his wife and his brother's family.When confronted he smiled and at functions he blessed his brother's family. He would always say,"Don't tell anyone that I talk to you. Sudha will not like it." Sudha along with her five daughters and one son continued to give Amani cold shoulder.

For Amani it did not matter as to who loved her or detested her. She was just happy that it was all over. She was indeed living her dream. She loved her daughter and did things that she was not able to do as a child. She learnt to ride bicycle, do embroidery, and best of all visited her mother whenever her father was not home. She feared none and loved her house and family.

To live a better life she opened her own tailoring shop and made good money which she used to fulfill her desire of seeing places she had never seen before. Initially Raja came with her but then his frail health made it difficult for him to travel too much. So she travelled with her daughter and a friend from the same village who was a widow and worked at her shop for reasonable amount of money.

Amani today is very happy and content in her small home which she has managed to fill with love. She supports herself and shares the house burdens with her husband. She teaches her daughter that men and women are same. She uses love and not fear to get things done. She keeps everyone happy and now she actually has come to love Raja's weird grin.

Although she does sometimes think of Prakash she still feels that her choice of heaven over hell was a wise one.

And now when she dreams, she dreams of Raja and her daughter, Swati hugging her tight. And when she does open her eyes she is glad to see Raja and Swati actually hugging her tight, very tight.