Sharada

"Do you know to cook?" asked the hefty man. Sharada nodded her head and said,"Yes." "Do you know to sew?" "Yes," replied Sharda. "Hmmm, Come stand next to my brother," ordered the hefty man. Sharada obediently stood up next to the bride hunter. Everyone observed and then there was quick murmur. Soon after which the hefty man said to Sharada, "Now you can go." Without saying a word Sharada left.
Sharada, was the eldest of six children. Her father, Mr.Hebbar was a teacher/farmer in Ratadi, a small village near Mangalore. He had married Sharada's mother, Sudha when he was eighteen and she was eight. Sudha was very beautiful and Mr.Hebbar took lot of pride in showing her off. He had always wanted to have a boy first, like all of his other cousins, but Sudha seemed to deliver only girls. This upset him and his widowed mother Jakkama, who micro-managed both Mr. Hebbar and his brother, her two proud possessions. Her sons had practically no say in anything.

Though widowed at an early age Jakkama had managed to take care of the 22 acre property and protect it from the likes of hounds and vultures of her relatives. She was the first in her village to have protested against shaving her head after the death of her husband and had gone one step ahead by getting police help to protect herself from her nasty relatives. Jakamma was fiercely territorial and dominating. Since the entire property was in her name both her sons feared her.

After four girls Jakamma had given up on Mr.Hebbar and was now banking on her younger son to produce her an heir. Her younger son Raja was "RAJA" only for namesake. He was terribly slow at everything. The only thing he was good at was teaching English. Jakkama was smart. She decided to send Raja for a B.Ed course in Mangalore city. When Raja was to graduate she donated a large sum of money to the local government school and in return asked them to hire her son Raja as a teacher.The school head master was more than happy to accommodate Raja for the kind of money Jakamma offered him. As soon as he was appointed teacher Jakamma went bride hunting.

Mr.Hebbar by then was so worried that he tried to have a boy for the fifth time. Sudha was tired of pushing babies and when she pushed her daughter out for the fifth time she lost consciousness. Sudha's parents were worried but Mr.Hebbar was adamant. The news of another grand daughter ticked Jakamma off and for a year Jakamma forbade Mr.Hebbar from visiting his wife.

But somehow Mr.Hebbar sneaked out and got Sudha pregnant for the sixth time and this time he was satisfied with the result. He finally had a son and Sharada along with her four sisters had a brother. Jakamma was ecstatic and invited Sudha back home with great pomp.They named the boy Raghu.

Meanwhile Jakamma continued to look for brides for her beloved son Raja.The whole village knew that Raja was a little slow and hence were reluctant to give their daughter to him in marriage. Moreover Jakamma was a renowned snob who hardly had any well wishers. Time went by and Raja was now thirty, too old for his age as Jakamma used to complain, and Sharada was eighteen. Jakamma now had a plan she decided to go for an exchange offer. She said,"Let's find a family with a brother and a sister. The boy can marry Sharada and the girl can marry Raja. That way we won't spend too much on the wedding and both parties will be happy."

Mr.Hebbar loved the plan and told the marriage broker about it. The broker went,"Hebbar sir, now a days boys look for educated girls.You people live in sixteenth century. How can I get good boys for Sharada? Plus she is dark. You know how boys like fair and lovely girls." To this Mr.Hebbar replied,"Tell the boy I will give fifteen thousand ruppees and 21 savran gold to my daughter and the girl who marries Raja can come without any dowry." The broker found the answer satisfactory and left groom/bride hunting.

Sharada heard her father bribe the broker and felt bad. She went and stood in front of the mirror. By all means she thought she was pretty. But then she felt who does not feel pretty? It is the groom who needs to feel the same. She continued to stare at the mirror. She noticed that she had big eyes just like that of her mother's, in fact she had inherited all the sharp features from her mother. It was just the color and the world gnawed at that. People said,"What's the use even if she is beautiful? She is bloody dark!" Jakkamma had once said none of the five girls were pretty only Raghu the boy was the best! And everyone including Sharada had believed it.

Time passed and now Sharada was twenty the panic in the family increased. Jakkama was worried more about Raja than Sharada. Then one day a miracle happened. A man thirteen years older to Sharada came to see her.The man's name was Umanatha, aka Ummi mama.

My mother's favorite brother. He was fair like milk, tall and extremely good looking. He was the youngest of ten siblings. My mother once told me that by the time my grandmother had him she was forty and my grandfather fifty three. When Ummi mama reached age twelve both his parents were dead and all his siblings married. Infact he had a niece who was three years younger to him. All through his life everyone tried to be nice to him but he felt neglected. He had discontent against all something he never expressed.

He was an innocent orphan my mother said and hence loved unconditionally by all. He asked for money and his sisters including my mother would sneak some from their spouses and give it to him. For all in my mother'side of the family he was a 'Rockstar.' He was not the brightest in school and had managed to graduate with a bachelors in Commerce. His brothers insisted that he find a government job but Umanatha wanted to start his own business. He said,"Unlike you all I will be working for myself. I will be my own boss. And textile market is emerging. I will prosper and soon be rich. In a few years you will all be asking for money from me." This pretty much had ended the debate and Umanatha very soon became a business man.

Five years after he started his business Umanatha realized that he was not making much profit and he went into depression. He made some bad choices. "It was not him. Our Ummi won't do it ever. No, No. It was bad, very bad company you know," explained my mother's eldest sister to my mother.

It was an open secret to all that he had a secret life where apparently he smoked, spent time with 'you know who's' to make up his 'not so exciting and poor life.' But no one would believe it other than people outside the family. It was fine that he did things because according to his siblings he was an orphan. An orphan who had been tempted by the broker to marry Sharada.

"Money, Umanatha, money," the broker had said. "Think about it you can start your own business and have two more buffaloes, buy a separate land and build your own house. You will not have to live with you brother and his family anymore."Umanatha had loved the idea. Some more money and a new truck business, he thought would give him another chance to make it big!

Umanatha convinced his brother, eldest sister, and sister-in-law who accompanied him to see Sharada. Sharada all the while through the Q&A session kept quiet and not once saw the groom. When the brother of the groom checked the height everyone in the room nodded head in agreement. Umanatha's eldest sister went,"Nice girl. Little dark but nice. I am happy." The brother asked Umanatha and Umanatha nodded his head and said,"Yes."

Once inside her room Sharada peeped out to see her would-be. Ummi mama was a good looking man and at the time when Sharada was twenty, to her every man looked like the kannada super hero Rajkumar. Her heart beat faster when her eyes met his. It was then that she saw his eyes did not have the same excitement. His eyes looked vexed by her sight. She wondered why? Was it the way she walked? Talked? She decided not to think too much about it.

Meanwhile Jakamma had heard that Umanatha had a niece who could be a good suit for Raja. Umanatha said," I will convince my sister if you agree to give me thirty instead of fifteen." First time in her life Jakamma said a Yes without any protest. Amani, Raja's would be wife hated her father's decision. But he had beaten her and her mother black and blue for protesting. He had said,"Whore, I will kill you! This man is marrying you for free. Do you realize you have three more sisters waiting behind you to get married? Then there is your brother who needs to do engineering. Marry this boy. So what if he is slow he will some day inherit eleven acres of the rich soil."

She had no choice but to marry the slow guy. In one way she was happy that she was marrying a slow guy. She planned and vowed to control him and lead a life of a queen, unlike her mother whom her father abused every single day. Anything was better than this rat hole she thought! So it happened. Sharada married Umanatha and on the very same evening Raja married Amani.

I now had a new aunt Sharada who was five years older to my sister and thirteen years younger to my uncle. Within a month of their marriage my uncle fought with his brother and asked for division of the entire property. The decision hurt my eldest uncle so bad that he later died of a broken heart. As soon as the division happened people started taking sides. My mother took one but I chose not to. For me they were all part of my family in Mangalore which I visited once in three years from Mumbai.I loved them all.

For Umanatha things were looking up. He had all the hilly property with cashew trees in his name. He also got some cash and jewelry from marrying Sharada which he planned to use to build his dream house and invest in his new business. Whenever short of money or material he would send Sharada to Ratadi, to her parents, to get money or buffaloes which he domesticated in his back yard for milk. No questions asked, Sharada's parents politely obliged. All they wanted was Sharada to be happy and if that meant giving away some money then they were fine with it. Mr.Hebbar borrowed some from local lenders promising to repay as soon as Jakkama died, which of course was not to happen soon. But then what did the lender know? He had no clue that seventy eight year old Jakkama would live to be a hundred and that Mr.Hebbar would leave the earthly miseries before Jakamma would.

Mr.Hebbar's strategy was not long term but it worked like a charm when needed, meet everyone's need and kept everyone happy. Umanatha used the money to plant, mallige, the expensive flower in Mangalore, and sold them and made some good money. He had three buffaloes, that grazed freely on the hills and gave twelve liters of milk three times a day, which kept Umanatha happy if not for long then momentarily.

As for Sharada the very first day of her married life she had enjoyed waking up in a joint family, the way she always had. Umanatha's sister-in-law and Sharada had struck good rapport. In fact Umanatha's sister in law doted on Sharada.But then Umanatha had told Sharada,"No, dumb lady you don't understand. She is trying to fool you to get your jewelry. Don't get involved too much with her and importantly don't believe her. We will be anyways leaving soon. I have had enough of this home and the people who live in it.We will go to the hill and build a palace of our own." Sharada nodded her head and said,"Yes." Next day onwards Sharada stayed in her room as instructed by Umanatha and Soon Sharada found herself building the new home on a hill top. Brick by brick she worked with the rest of the workers under the scorching sun. She cooked for close to thirty people three times a day. She slept in the small room squeezing herself to make room for her giant husband.

Her job was extremely back breaking. Much more than what she was accustomed to do. With guests Sharada's work only quadrupled. She toiled non stop like an ant. She slept three to four hours and worked the rest of the time. I was helpless because the kind of work she did was extremely hard for me to assist her with. But the one thing I noticed about her was that inspite of all the work she had to do she always managed to have a smile painted on her face. She always cooked something special for every one. She played with us, took us boys and girls who would crash her home on vacation for small walks.

I still remember the time when she was pregnant with her first child. Umanatha did not let her go home for delivery because it was harvest season. Sharada silently obeyed and had Vandana, her daughter, while pulling water from a fifty feet deep well. Umanatha admitted later that he had made a mistake by demanding the rocky part of the property. He said that he did so because he thought that the cashew trees would help him make a fortune. He whined that the motor on the well did not work because there was no electricity half the time in his part of the hill. He explained once to my father that rain in the hilly area was scarce. He went on to say that when it did rain in the god forsaken hills most of the water seeped deep down into the earth. Hence the fifty feet deep well.

Life moved on. Sharada got used to her donkey life. Within two years of having Vandana and losing a baby in between she then had a son which made Ummi mama very proud. But by then he had sunk deeper into alcohol and women. He had spent all the money and resources on businesses that failed miserably. Sharada knew it all but as a good wife chose to mask all her problems with a smile. She once mentioned to me,"Promise not to tell anyone. Your uncle came so drunk the other night that he took names, of girls I do not know. I feel bad Roopa. What do I do?" As a thirteen year old I did not know what to say I smiled and I said mama loved her and I loved her. For that I got a sweet hug.That was the last I remember of her.

Soon after that I was back in Mumbai attending school and for years I did not go back to Mangalore because my father had lost his job and meeting day to day needs was difficult so there was no chance that we would travel all the way to Mangalore in years to come. My mother used to call Umanatha regularly but with time even phone calls became scarce. Later my sisters got married, I went to college and with time moved to Bangalore for a job.

It was in summer of 2003 or so I do not remember when? I came home from work and got a call on my mobile from my mother. She seemed to be a nervous wreck. She cried with big sobs and said,"Umantha is gone." For a minute I was shocked that he was dead. I asked,"How did he die." My mother replied,"No,No,he is not dead. He ran away."

Apparently Ummi mama had debts from his other life which he could not repay and to save his face he deserted his home, his village. He had gone missing, overnight! He had come home one evening early from work and forced Sharada to choose and like all other times she chose not to choose and silently followed. She was forced to desert her home, her belongings, her memories, everything. When I heard all this the only thought I had was,"God give Sharada the courage to deal with the situation." She for me was the most innocent and genuinely gullible woman that I had ever come across. I closed my eyes and I wept. Not for mama but for Sharada.

Initially all of the brothers and sisters cried and created hullabaloo over Umanatha but eventually they all toned down and blamed themselves for the situation. One of my mother's sister went,"There were signs you know. We missed it." Other brother went,"He is an asshole." But they all missed him from the bottom of their hearts. For me it was not my mama it was Sharada, my loving aunt who had been forced to live a life of seclusion and for what? Who's mistakes? Her children were young they would adapt but what about her? From Jakkamma to Umanatha every one of them took decisions for her and she obeyed it. Without any grouse she followed every single instruction to the end. No one asked her anything. What she thought, or how she felt? She was expected to follow and for that I felt bad for her and I missed her very much.

Once they were gone we heard rumors about why Umanatha had done what he did. I ignored them and went on with life. But a few years later something strange happened. I accidentally met Sharada at a wedding.I was ecstatic to see her but she seemed to avoid me. I followed her and I asked,"Is that it? Years of memories gone? Just like that? Is that it maami." The moment she heard it she started to cry. Even when crying she seemed to be looking for her husband. She was scared that he might see her with me and then beat her. She saw me with tears in her eyes.

I can never forget that sight. The pain her eyes expressed, the misery they talked about. Those eyes said she was sorry,that she missed me and her life in those hills. They told me that she wanted to talk but she could not because she was scared. Her eyes said it all. They begged me to leave. To not ask anything. Just to leave. Those eyes promised me that things will be fine. Someday everything will be fine but for now her eyes asked me to leave.

I read and heard it all. My heart ached and I wanted to believe her but I knew that for her there was no coming back. That things will never be the same again.That it was all over, for her and for me. Not knowing what to do next I saw those eyes and her for one last time. I touched her feet from where I was standing and did what she had asked me to do.

With tears in my eyes and fond memories of her in my heart, I walked away.
Yes, I walked away from her, my dearest, beloved maami, Sharada, forever!