Sex and the city

What makes Sex and the city so special is not that the story has a lot of sex and more of the city but the fact that every one of us as a woman can recognize with one of the four characters. Of course personally I started watching the series out of curiosity. And watching let me say was not an easy task. To begin with the series was telecast at 11pm in India and that to on a week day. My parents did not approve of late nights but somehow I was able to cheat them and watch every single episode of Sex and the City.

As I mentioned my highlight of the series was the sex part. A topic so very taboo in India and as a girl watching something even as simple as a kissing scene amazed me. It got me thinking and dreaming. But what also got me was the story line. Somehow the characters grew upong me and I began to understand the meaning behind all that was happening in the series at the time. My idea that America was a land where people slept with each other and forgot, that people here had no family ties or values just blew right out the window. Some situations did render me speechless such as Samantha's horny lifestyle and Carrie's unwillingness to ever try motherhood. But what was worth applaud was that inspite of their individual personalities and nuances all the friends got along so much very well. None of them judged the other. Inspiring in every way because come to think of it how many of us do that all over the world including the US?

I remember the time my friend told me about her first kiss with her boyfriend and I went straight into shock and refused to converse with her for days. Can I blame myself for reacting so ugly? I guess not because Indian culture at the time was not just as open as it is now. I do not beleive it is very open all over other than the metros but whatever it is, is much better than the time I was growing up. Getting a new perspective about being a single woman was nice. A novel concept to India.

Being single whether for a man or a woman in India leads to a ton of questions, and lot of interventions. Sometimes I feel that the only line that divides Indian and American culture is the intervention on the part of parents. In India somehow emotional blackmail works and in America it does not. Of course there are parents who nag in either side of the globle but parents in the US end up keeping out of their children's life whereas Indian parents do not.

Recently I had my brother in law complaining about a girl who asked him if she would have to live with his parents after marriage? He said he was angry at her and he out right rejected her. When did it become OK to reject a girl based on her questions? Why is it OK for a man to ask a woman questions such as age, income and presume that she will live with his parents after wedding and a big NO for the woman who does the same. A woman in this age is expected to work like a man in fact put in more effort than a man but still be a woman. Is it not better to live few miles away from either parents and have a healthy relationship rather live together and have differences break into lives day in and day out. This reminds me of a fantastic tamil movie smsaram that addressed this very issue almost 20 years ago. I guess the movie was way ahead of its time.

Having personally faced gener bias in the first few years of my marriage I strongly vouch for all women who have a voice of their own. Independeince is not a crime. It has got to do nothing with keeping a woman within limits. Its just a woman who is just as strong as a woman and if the world is threatened then a woman cannot help it. Miranda in Sex and the City movie quits her job because her boss is a sexist and makes it difficult her for her to work harmoniously. She fights at first and then quits which makes it reasonable but not logical. According to me she should have taken this issue with the HR but I guess being a wife and a mother she needed a break anyways. It is hard to believe that there are closeted sexists in the US at this age and time.

About my fight yes I put up with bias for couple of years because like Carrie I was confused whom to believe. And when the only man you love sides with his parents and gangs up on you its not easy. I had a couple of friends and still have who faced similar problems. But then eventually I confronted my husband and made it very clear that the philosophies his parents campaign for are outdated and sexist. Maybe she as a wife then had no choice but I now have a choice and I will not take crap from anyone just because I am a woman. Then and there I drew a line that became my boundary. I made a rule and a resolution that no one can crosses my boundary and I will not cross theirs. End of story.

Imagine the number of women all over the globe who suffer worse plight as a daugher, mother or in any other role. Sex and the city 2 movie handled this issue very well when the girls rob a trip to UAE with Samantha. I liked the comical way in which the gender bias issue was dealt with.

The movie always has a message but all this love for the characters and the story did not happen for me overnight. For me getting to know Sex and the city was a lengthy process. There were times when I hated Carrie for sticking her tonuge out all the time and Miranda for her temper. I never liked Charollete because I considered her to be too phony and well bred. For a long time I did not understand the character of Samantha but then I guess not everything needs to have a meaning just because I do not understand it.

Carrie's pursuit of BIG and vice versa started to get on my nerves. I was like why can't one of you compromise and move on. And that's exactly I guess was the point of the potrayal of their characters that compromise is a dying art. People are now engulfed with more and more ego problems and the fact is no one is perfect. Which they both realize towards the end and be together for ever or I hope so. Miranda on the other hand was representative of the crowd that works long hours and balances family with ton of other things to do. Her temper was justifiable considering that she was a die hard feminist character and she does end up learning that sometimes for love it is OK to not voice out for justice. I think becoming a mother sobered her down.

Charollete for me was a waste character or let say a character entirely different from the others. She stood for what US was in the 60's. And of course there is Samantha who would do anything that walks, crawls or flies.

So many colors and so many characters a constant reminder of the fact that every culture needs time to be undestood. Judging is not the right attitude. Having an open mind is more important than wearing a modern dress.

In my latest trip to India I went to my favorite sort of sister's home. I spent four days with her only to realize that she wore modern clothes but had a mind that was so closed that I almost died of suffocation. I happened to mention about her daughter's future and she went,"Well her scores were not good so I asked her to get into commerce (like its easy to swim through commerce and accounting) over engineering (I know people with 45% scores who have become engineers). And donation seats are expensive. I rather use that money to make gold jewelery for her that will help her get a good husband. You know how she looks she is so dark!"

Gosh what world does she live in? She also has a son and I asked her would she do the same to her son. She goes,"He is bright and he will make it. And if he does not then since we do not have to spend on his wedding we will pay the donation." My question why not do the same for her daughter then she can do her engineering get a job and pay for her wedding. Her daughter of course was not crazy about engineering but if she were then what is so wrong in spending money and giving the girl what she wants. Thats 100% sexist.

Having a rosy picture and comfy life I reckon does not exactly mean no gender bias. There I saw it happening right in front of me to my niece whom I have known from the time she was born. What a shame. Of course the argument took ugly face which I do not want to ever go through ever again. I told my niece to pursue her dreams and let me know if her mommy did anything to screw it up.

Its very unfortunate that such horrendous things happen among the learned and the so-called new and rich India. I did not have to travel to Bihar to witness gender bias. Then there is this cousin of my husband's who refuses to marry for one reason or the other. She has a high paying job, looks more than average, is an engineer, and has her own social life and independence she thoroughly enjoys. She is 28 they all say and weep like someone died. My argument was who cares if she does not want to get married life is long she will find someone. She is not a burden on anyone and its not like marriage is bed of roses. What's so wrong in living life to the fullest like Carrie, Miranda or Charollete and then if you find the right guy get married?

I guess there is lot of dating culture sprouting up in India which provides the new single women generation with opportunities to fulfill their needs whether physical or emotional. Ultimately it is their choice. We can only do so much. But no people in India choose to rant at every given opportunity. Can't help it that is the Indian way at looking things the way US looked at things in the 60's. Eventually men stopped fighting and the commentators gave up. I am glad for the fact that atleast women in India have more freedom than the religiously guided countries of the middle east.

Ultimately the fact remains that women might have overtaken the race from men in India but they still have a long way to go.

As for Sex and the City today I saw the series finale and I have to tell you I liked it then and I liked it now. I loved how Carrie and Big finally realized their love for each other and chose to make petty compromises to live together. Miranda got her house and family she loved. Charollete ended up picture perfect with baby and a husband. And Samantha well we all know what she does at the end. She chooses to be single and fabulous.

For me all four women represent stregth, integrity and courage. Their principles, dreams and passion are what they live and breathe for. They do what every woman all over the world secretly wishes she could do. They sizzle, they rock, they make you laugh, and cry, they tempt and date the hottest guys, they have loads of sex in the fantasy of a city.

For me Sex and the city is was and will remain exciting, inspirational and fabulous.

From a die hard fan then and now!