Yes, I know its past "Mother's Day" but is it not how it works between you and me? We are not people who get all emotional and teary eyed on things that seem too much of a nonsense. We are what they call as the "pratical" people and why not what is so wrong with that? I can write pages on "Ode to Mother" but I know and you know that most of it would be lies. Fat lies that too! You are my and will always be my mother and no one can change that but what has changed over the years is our relationship with each other. The way you dealt with me once does not hold good anymore. The yellings and beatings are all out of place and outdated and now it is the more of confrontation, which I know you detest but the fact remains that is how it is with mothers and daughters!
We all grow up and one day become mothers. Some use their mother's parenting skills and some defy them. For instance you never displayed your affection to us not atleast physically. But my sister chooses to smother her children with affection unlike you who believes in carrot and stick approach.
The last I remember is you criticising me in front of some nerve wreck relative who was probably high with toxic elements that were meant for pigs. But that did not stop you from getting back to us for something we never did or something we did that you did not like. But that strategy does not work any more. Does it? And now I can see that helplessness in your face when you loose an argument with me and my sister. Your inability to absolute dominance. You hate it when we throw attitude and you cannot just whup our asses. Well mom that's how it is. Time changes and so do relationships.
Have you ever thought that things would be different if you had used a different perspective? I mean we as children were always treated as children and never as "little people," who had a mind of our own and that is where a lot of your beatings never made sense to me. Especially setting up the correlation between doings and beatings. Research says that a child's mind is unable to establish correlations very well so I guess it was not my fault after all just that you failed to get your facts straight.
Not that all you did was crooked and twisted. There were many good memories, inspiring moments that helped us be what we are today. Consider your beatings for a moment. Thanks to it today I am not easily threatened by people who are stronger than I am whether physically or emotionally.
I also remember the days when you were loving for instance the lullabys, dinner time stories about moon, picnics and trips we went to as a family, the occasional cuddling, and other so many things that I can think of. Those were good times. Sometimes I wonder what happened that you changed your attitude towards me.
Maybe it was sudden change of status from being rich to poor. I know it hit you harder than it did the rest of us. I saw you scrounging every penny and working very hard to provide for all of us. It was not easy and I understood. I tried to reach out to you with my piggy bank but you snubbed me because I was just a child. Honestly I was not!
I could see the way everyone had started treating us. It was different. All thought that we were friendly because we planned to beg for money. I still see people of the sort just that they have donned different garbs and have different ideas and are constantly looking for sadistic pleasures. I know when I see them and have convinienetly distanced them from my life. My childhood experience has made me two things; one very good to whoever is good to me and two very snobby to people who are not good to me.
Again it was not you it was my impression about you which you could have corrected but did not. And I am glad you did not because I grew up to be a principled being who is a better judge of one's character and pretty much rely on myself for everything.
Your actions carved me for the good or the bad. It is you who taught me to be strong, determined, passionate, and level headed. You motivated me to chase my dreams and taught me that being a girl changed nothing. I dreamt of gaining knowledge and today here I am with more degrees behind my name than one can count. No, I am not bragging you managed to teach me to keep myself grounded I am just acknowledging the fact that if it were not for your words then I would not have had ever dared to dream.
Your father a teacher himself taught you very early in life that,"Education is an indespensable asset. Something one can put a price tag on but can never steal." Something you passed on to me and something I cherished and have always believed in.
Nevertheless to mention people who asked you what was the point in my gaining degrees if I weren't working. As if I was going to die tomorrow or as if my degrees would be worthless in another year or so or as if I gained degrees to chase money. If that was the intention then I would have been done with a basic degree and never bothered to study further.
Well that is a never ending argument which I do not wish to carry on with bunch of ignorants who have no direction in their own personal lives and fail to realize that one does not seek knowledege as a means to a source but as means to an end and that end can be whatever you want it to be.
Yes mother you were right about so many things and wrong about so many more. You imparted so much and withheld so much more.You made mistakes like so many mothers but never admitted to have had made them. You were Type A and so was I but some where down along the way I turned to your face and stretched my hand with the hope that this feud will end. After this long complicated journey as mother and daughter I am glad finally you have opened up to the idea that I am not that little kid any more. That I have a mind and opinion of my own and that not everything can be in black and white and that the grey area will always be there whether we like it or not.
I know you have the worlds toughest job and being a mother is not easy something that I will very soon realize. But looking back I know that there are things that you did as a mother which I will never do to my children. Not because I hated it but because I never believed in them.
And like it is always in life there will be trials and there will be errors which I am ready to face with an open mind. I know that it will still not stop you from giving me free advice and I will not stop you from doing so. Just that you need to understand and make peace with the idea that I may or may not apply them depending on the situation.
Finally no matter what the argument I will say this that whatever parenting skills you used seems to have worked because we turned out to be just fine.
So mother thanks for doing all that you did right and making an effort to close whatever gap existed. I hope we grow closer from now on as a team and not as adversaries.
And to mark this special ocassion I will remind you what you once told me---,"No matter how much we fight or bicker I will always remain your daughter and you my loving mother.!"
"Happy Mother's Day"
We all grow up and one day become mothers. Some use their mother's parenting skills and some defy them. For instance you never displayed your affection to us not atleast physically. But my sister chooses to smother her children with affection unlike you who believes in carrot and stick approach.
The last I remember is you criticising me in front of some nerve wreck relative who was probably high with toxic elements that were meant for pigs. But that did not stop you from getting back to us for something we never did or something we did that you did not like. But that strategy does not work any more. Does it? And now I can see that helplessness in your face when you loose an argument with me and my sister. Your inability to absolute dominance. You hate it when we throw attitude and you cannot just whup our asses. Well mom that's how it is. Time changes and so do relationships.
Have you ever thought that things would be different if you had used a different perspective? I mean we as children were always treated as children and never as "little people," who had a mind of our own and that is where a lot of your beatings never made sense to me. Especially setting up the correlation between doings and beatings. Research says that a child's mind is unable to establish correlations very well so I guess it was not my fault after all just that you failed to get your facts straight.
Not that all you did was crooked and twisted. There were many good memories, inspiring moments that helped us be what we are today. Consider your beatings for a moment. Thanks to it today I am not easily threatened by people who are stronger than I am whether physically or emotionally.
I also remember the days when you were loving for instance the lullabys, dinner time stories about moon, picnics and trips we went to as a family, the occasional cuddling, and other so many things that I can think of. Those were good times. Sometimes I wonder what happened that you changed your attitude towards me.
Maybe it was sudden change of status from being rich to poor. I know it hit you harder than it did the rest of us. I saw you scrounging every penny and working very hard to provide for all of us. It was not easy and I understood. I tried to reach out to you with my piggy bank but you snubbed me because I was just a child. Honestly I was not!
I could see the way everyone had started treating us. It was different. All thought that we were friendly because we planned to beg for money. I still see people of the sort just that they have donned different garbs and have different ideas and are constantly looking for sadistic pleasures. I know when I see them and have convinienetly distanced them from my life. My childhood experience has made me two things; one very good to whoever is good to me and two very snobby to people who are not good to me.
Again it was not you it was my impression about you which you could have corrected but did not. And I am glad you did not because I grew up to be a principled being who is a better judge of one's character and pretty much rely on myself for everything.
Your actions carved me for the good or the bad. It is you who taught me to be strong, determined, passionate, and level headed. You motivated me to chase my dreams and taught me that being a girl changed nothing. I dreamt of gaining knowledge and today here I am with more degrees behind my name than one can count. No, I am not bragging you managed to teach me to keep myself grounded I am just acknowledging the fact that if it were not for your words then I would not have had ever dared to dream.
Your father a teacher himself taught you very early in life that,"Education is an indespensable asset. Something one can put a price tag on but can never steal." Something you passed on to me and something I cherished and have always believed in.
Nevertheless to mention people who asked you what was the point in my gaining degrees if I weren't working. As if I was going to die tomorrow or as if my degrees would be worthless in another year or so or as if I gained degrees to chase money. If that was the intention then I would have been done with a basic degree and never bothered to study further.
Well that is a never ending argument which I do not wish to carry on with bunch of ignorants who have no direction in their own personal lives and fail to realize that one does not seek knowledege as a means to a source but as means to an end and that end can be whatever you want it to be.
Yes mother you were right about so many things and wrong about so many more. You imparted so much and withheld so much more.You made mistakes like so many mothers but never admitted to have had made them. You were Type A and so was I but some where down along the way I turned to your face and stretched my hand with the hope that this feud will end. After this long complicated journey as mother and daughter I am glad finally you have opened up to the idea that I am not that little kid any more. That I have a mind and opinion of my own and that not everything can be in black and white and that the grey area will always be there whether we like it or not.
I know you have the worlds toughest job and being a mother is not easy something that I will very soon realize. But looking back I know that there are things that you did as a mother which I will never do to my children. Not because I hated it but because I never believed in them.
And like it is always in life there will be trials and there will be errors which I am ready to face with an open mind. I know that it will still not stop you from giving me free advice and I will not stop you from doing so. Just that you need to understand and make peace with the idea that I may or may not apply them depending on the situation.
Finally no matter what the argument I will say this that whatever parenting skills you used seems to have worked because we turned out to be just fine.
So mother thanks for doing all that you did right and making an effort to close whatever gap existed. I hope we grow closer from now on as a team and not as adversaries.
And to mark this special ocassion I will remind you what you once told me---,"No matter how much we fight or bicker I will always remain your daughter and you my loving mother.!"
"Happy Mother's Day"
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