Me, someone and U.G.Lee!

Ms.U.G. Lee was super excited that a Ph.D was willing to marry her. She was successful in her profession, of course, courtesy rich daddy and a mommy who kept telling her she was the best and what Lee believed all her life to be true. She ran faster than everybody else and got everything she asked for from rich daddy. Life was bed of roses UNTIL she hit teenage. Lee realized she after all was not the prettiest or the BEST. Mommy had lied. She was more than average than the you know who's but then no one seemed to appreciate her. So Lee began to appreciate herself. Lee stood in front of the mirror and said to herself that,"Yes, she can."
Apparently her scores landed her in not so good undergrad but daddy came to the rescue with money bag and sent her for higher studies. Daddy's logic. "So wat ip you are nat the prettiest? You have educason. Some one will marry you for that. You will see." And someone did fall for that.
Oh ok before I say any further let's meet someone. Someone was one of the brightest who thought anyone below his I.Q was a super moron and was not fit to exist on the face of this big his bad ass earth. Apparently (wrong choice of words, I should say UNFORTUNATELY), what he did not know was that,"daddy's little girl" was a super moron too. Just that daddy was there all the time back home. However in the US, quote flash news "DADDY cannot come to the US to Lee's rescue." Uh oh! What will someone do because he thinks he is not just anyone. Blinded with love (LIE it's actually SEX) someone right now is so super excited that he stops associating with people form so-so schools. (FYI: SO SO for him is anything that is not HARVARD, STANFORD and one more school some where in NY where his relative did something) Anyways story gets interesting when someone does marry Lee and comes with her to the US.
 Lee is still in shock that someone married her but at the same time is super excited with the US phenomenon. It still has not sunken into her that she is not in India. Strange! I say. But she refuses to agree. All in love she is that's why. Filled with gratitude Lee rushes to please her someone. She volunteers here, there and everywhere. Then she talks, talks, talks and talks about how she volunteers here, there and everywhere (FYI: Lee does not know that physically distressed or needed is not similar to the word "PHYSICALLY/MENTALLY CHALLENGED. Moreover she does not even love them physically challenged. She volunteers so that she can get into the business school near Oakland). Ok continuing the story Lee blabbers with lipstick on her teeth that she wants to go to that school near Oakland. She almost calls an ex (someone she met somewhere) from that college her SOON TO BE ALUMNI. This is the part where I roll on the floor and laugh, shamelessly of course! She finds me odd because according to someone it is a waste of time to associate with me because I went to so-so school. He has given her similar other strict instructions. Well what ever! So the story goes. People who listen to Lee awe! Oh no they Aweeeeeee! and then look at me with the expression,"Please ask her to fucking stop." And I give the expression,"Choose to shoot me?" They say,"YES." I say,"Ok was just kidding." Hee Hee.
Lee and someone kept portraying the perfect couple picture and they have been married for like what last 30 days or less? OMG please shoot me NOW!!!! My husband and I feel damaged. Totally! Then my BFF says, "Wait till it fades off!"  Lee heard that and goes,"Oh! We spoke it all. Someone wants me to go to the school near Oakland, REPUTED IT IS YOU SEE, to get MBA and support a business which someone plans to open some freaking day." BFF says,"Yeah that will be the day of judgment." Lee did not hear that. Lee within 30 days wants to rush everything. Hmmm!!! been there done that. BFF and I both went back in memory lane where we tried to rush it too and gave up and we also thought of times we had it all in place with our spouses. Career, sex, everything. And then after a few years reality bit us all right in our ass's. BFF and I looked at each other and laughed our same bitten asses off. Man Lee and someone do live in a bubble. GIANT one that too. I had the itch to burst it, but then I wanted to wait and enjoy the VIEW. Not that I do not want them to be happy but just that all couples think they are different than the rest. That they have it all figured. Point is if life was based on logic then I would be Warren Buffet and Warren Buffet would be living my okey so not dokey ass life. Nothing on this earth is hunky dory. Patience is a virtue for a reason. Best of the super smarts in the US on H4 have taken it slow and have been perfectly happy in life associating with people from so-so schools. Couples have fought and still fight and are perfectly happy. Because as my mother said if your spouse don't fight with you then take it as a RED FLAG! Something is taking your place.
Of course we have had our extreme break downs and times we threatened to leave and bitched but for pete's sake who does not do that? I say Mommy you are right! My man fights with me, hell no he is not cheating on me, cuz he is fighting with me. Hallelujah! Mommy's so dam right.
Ok truth time personally for me without fight there would be no great sex. Ok I went overboard. Actually the point I am trying to make to Ms. U.G. Lee and Someone is that, its fine to fight sometimes, take it slow more often , and it is definitely  fine to respect people for their individuality and not school or office or position or anything.
Because when in a car crash, do we ask what  the qualification of the person saving us, is? Do we ask the color of the person who guards us at the border day and night. Does the color of the blood change? Answer is NO!NO and NO!
So U.G. Lee and Someone please know that it is not us who makes us. It is the way we treat people and value other's opinion is what makes US. We might go to the moon but we are still humans and humbleness is a quality which human race still greatly appreciates. No one's saying it is a sin to be a good spouse or have great sex without fights. But to act smarter than you are is not only stupid but utterly FOOLISH!
I cannot do much to change Ms. U.G. Lee and Someone's attitude but what I can do is write a blog and move on. Honestly I have a lot to worry about other than Adam and Eve.
So devoting very little time henceforth I plan to pray for a few seconds for the two characters in question. I pray and hope that they learn their lesson someday. Hopefully not the hard way. However, if they learn it the hard way, then Ms.U.G. Lee and Someone please know that the doors of our club door is and will always be open! Amen!

I did it!

This time I did it. I hunted the hunter. I managed to be extremely arrogant and threw full attitude at my enemy. I realized that being mean feels good at the moment but later the feeling is that of regret. For a long time in the afternoon I detested what I did because being unforgiving is not in my nature. I melt like ice. It's just that this time it was not to be so. This time when I looked him in the eye I saw no apology but some weird expression which I could not reckon and that set me off. And that's when I acted mean and rude. But later I felt sorry about what I had done. I had become like him. I should not have done what I did. But I guess now we are even. Or are we? But whatever it is I promised myself that I will never become like him. Because that is so not me. I will be me and for people like him it will always be between them and their conscience. Provided they have one!

Being a cheer leader

Yes, for everything. No matter how tired I am. No matter how difficult the task is. Whether I like it or not I say yes. I am his biggest cheer leader, I suppose. But when it comes to me I realize I have to be my own cheer leader. But it is not so for all I realize. For all he wants more  than me he is their cheer leader. Then it is not that he is so. Just that I got him so. Why? Long and deep sighs do not reveal the answer. Why then be a cheer leader? Because if I do not then who will be what? What will become the unknown and darken the thinking process. How long a cheer leader will I be? I do not know! In fact do not want to know. We all get tired don't we? So am I! Tired beyond explanation.... Cheer leader business is not worth it, I feel. It's time to retire. Hope he finds a new cheer leader. A good one that too. One can hope, so I hope, that be anything but a cheer leader. Not anymore. Not anymore.............

Death looses, ALWAYS!

Wind came and blew the candle light,
I cried, I closed my eyes, and prayed all night.
I woke up next day and lit the candle again,
An action, I thought, would diminish my pain.
Alas pain remained, so did sorrow,
Light blown yesterday I realize will not come tomorrow.
I try to protect the light using my  palm,
"Mercy," I beg to the wind and try to make it calm.
Wind blows, I worry, I let my eyes see,
Loved ones, nature and image of the Almighty.
My effort fails, light blows, but my memories are afresh,
Every one of them I hold on to and each one I cherish.
Wind comes again and blows the candle light,
This time, I smile, I close my eyes, and pray all night.

A poem for all who have lost their dear ones. Death can take our loved ones physical form away but not the memories we have, not the dreams we shared and definitely not the inscription of their name, identity, love and affection from out heart.

Emotion rules devotion?

Shirdi Sai baba is my favorite god and on Thursdays I try my best to be there for the afternoon or Kakad aarti. For all the time that I have been there I have noticed that people wait in line for a long time not because there is rush only because people who get their turn to see Baba suddenly forget that there is a very long line and start praying for minutes and minutes and then quite some time. And then there are others who just barge irrespective of the fact whether there is a line or not. And there are the kinds who instruct every body else but themselves rub their forehead on Baba's feet forever. Only if we all knew to consider other person's feelings. Baba's saisacharitra talks about how a person's one time namaskar in heart is equal to ten sashtanga namaskars. How treating others well is like serving Sai himself. Then why do people think that pushing and shoving others and taking forever to fan Baba will make Baba happy. Its very unfortunate but that I suppose is the truth. Volunteers today kept requesting the devotees to hurry up but all in vain and then there was this woman who just walked right in front of me and then rubbed Baba's feet, fanned him and prayed with devotion dripping from all sides. Honestly what was she thinking or let me put it this way will her behavior gain her heaven? I doubt. And there was this gentleman who would phony volunteer and then come running with every step I took in the fear that I would take his place. Even if I did so what? Are not we supposed to let go of any opposition whatsoever? Why be rude and tell people,"Madam the line ij here. Pleaje phollow it." How cheap is that.?

Of course when the woman in front of me snuck into the line I felt odd but I never felt angry. I just thought,"Ok sneaking in will it give her heaven?" Is not patience a virtue Sai loves. For a minute I wondered what is right then? Is it fine to ignore others need to see Sai and pray to him? I do not know. But what I know is that fighting people on this is definitely a waste of time. Its ultimately between Baba and them. I believe in karma and after all what goes around comes around. For now my only request to Baba's followers is look at Baba and think what he would have said? Baba said I am in everyone. Bow to me one time with all devotion and it will be like a thousand sashtang bowings. I am there wherever you go. Pray to me from where ever you are and I will hear you. Then why take ten minutes at the cost of other people who wait in line for hours and hours? Lets be Sai's loving devotees and serve him by serving and helping others.

May Sai Ram king of kings hail. Let Sai bless all.

One of my favorites

By Langston Hughes
1926

My old man's a white old man
And my old mother's black.
If ever I cursed my white old man
I take my curses back.

If ever I cursed my black old mother
And wished she were in hell,
I'm sorry for that evil wish
And now I wish her well.

My old man died in a fine big house.
My ma died in a shack.
I wonder where I'm gonna die,
Being neither white nor black?

Golden Gate

Eyes mist with tears, heart beats slow,

When in darkness I see the Golden Gate glow.

I see it in the day and it feels like the month of "May,"

With hand on my heart,"Golden Gate I love you," I say.

No matter what the weather, it stands tall and strong,

Gives a sense of stability, no matter what goes wrong.

It embraces me when I drive, it swings and it rocks,

It says no words, yet in silence it talks.

Majestic and serene, so stable and tall,

Never give up it says,"And be strong as a wall."

Tired and droopy when I walk on the golden gate,

I set free my feelings and my life becomes clean slate.

Golden gate, my pride, my glory I must say,

Through your eyes I see a new me, a new dawn and a new day.

A poem to honor Golden Gate Bridge, which never stops inspiring people.

Friend who speaks nothing but the truth

Why do we feel happy when people lie to us? Ever thought about that? One losses everything and the other goes,"It's fine. You will be just fine." The last time someone said that to me I bit his ears off. No I did not bite his ears off. I was just happy that he said what he should have said. Imagine if he said,"Oh girl! You are so screwed. Wonder what is going to happen to you. It is so bad now and probably will get worse." I would have never looked forward for the good thing that my friend promised me. Of course that something never happened. But that one hope given by him kept me going.

My mother was the biggest influence in my life. She taught me to tell things the way they were. She said speaking truth was always the right thing to do. Something which along with her got me into trouble almost all the time. I became the "I SPEAK ONLY TRUTH WOMAN."

This attitude of mine got me very very few friends and when I say a few I mean one. Yes that's all I had. One friend througout school and one throughout college. My friend's name in high school was Bijal which meant,"two drops of water." Mom's looking for new and weird names this one's really good! Why they named her so is still a big mystery. Anyways there is an interesting story as to how Bijal and I became friends. I once told Bijal in front of her best friend that she was very pretty. Unable to keep quiet her best friend asked me as to how she looked and as honest as I was I told her the truth. I told her that she looked ugly. Well! Bijal's friend immediately abandoned her and found a new friend who was uglier than her and I had Bijal cursing me for my actions. Bijal tried hard to get knew friends but it was too late since groups had been formed and she was stuck with me for the next ten years of school.

Interestingly we had lot in common and our friendship took off. I was always supportive of her dreams and love choice which made me dearer to her and she always showed her friendship by buying me food, which at the time was the highlight in my life. I always tried to help her with studies but realized that she did not have the flair for it. I kept telling her not to force her into something she did not want to do. Bijal was and still is an amazing interior decorator. I kept pushing her to pursue her dreams and one day she did. Today she is happily married to the love of her life and along with him she runs a successful interior decoration business. She is glad to have had me as her friend and I am glad she took my suggestions with grace.

Then came college. I could not be with Bijal since my parents chose to move to the slowest town on the map of earth and as a minor I was stuck with them. My attitude in college was still the same. I cared for nothing but the truth. I had the ability to laugh at myself and accepted my shortcomings without much of an issue. Which was fine with me but not with others.

Amidst my chaotic and confused teenage life I came across Shobha. She was a repeating student and like me had no friends in that big and lonely class. She needed help and I was there to go out of the way for her. Out of the way I did. I dominated her all the time and I loved it. It was fun to pull her leg since she never got a hint as to what I was upto. She was the sweetest friend I could have ever asked for. She got so very motivated because of my criticisms that she cleared all her papers in the very first attempt and got into a very reputed accounting firm. She of course gives me the credit for it but I guess sometimes we need people to speak truth to us. Had I not told her about her weaknesses she would not have had ever made it. She got what she deserved and I am forever happy that only good things happened to her and hope good things keep happening to her.

Life moved on for me and my friends. Sometimes we would get in touch and laugh about the old times. But something had changed and as Bijal once said,"Who are you.?" I knew the old me was never ever going to come back. Corporate world and MBA had taught me to be diplomatic. I had learnt that not everyone loves truth and not everyone needs to improve in order to grow. And as Karma had it I was married to a guy who spoke nothing but the truth.

Not that I detest it. In fact I am glad that every time I look at him I feel like I am staring into a mirror. I am not totally reformed but it is of course work in progress. Now I am subtler than I used to be. I give opinions only when needed and respect one's feelings. I use strategies to deal with every situation and sometimes miss the days when life was simpler and straighter.

I miss the time when Bijal and Shobha taught me what patience was all about, what it meant to love unconditionally the way they did. They took everything that I said in and not once shunned me away. They taught me the meaning of the word consideration and forgiveness. Qualities that I still search for among so many more friends that I have made with my new attitude. And I am still searching. When I write this blog I see me eating chaat with them, playing in the beach with them and sometimes singing songs in loud pitch with them. My eyes become moist and my heart misses them. I am glad I grew up with them. Because I would not have been what I am today without my much cherished friends. Love you guys! And will always love you.

Today I try to be like Shobha and Bijal with my other friends. And when I try I know it is not easy. It is very hard. I have succumbed to anger and vengeance at times but I still try. And I will keep trying till I am perfect for all my friends who are out there and the way I used to speak, speak nothing but the truth.