Dodaapa/Ramano Purshe!

"Hey, you want cashew apple?," asked my cat eyed Bhaskar dodappa and "Yes we do," came an answer all so unianimous by all the kids that belonged to the "Yelluru" clan. Summer time for me was like an ancient Egyptian ritual where all the family members got together in Yelluru. Yelluru was like wonderland to us. A place where fun and freedom knew absolutely no bounds. One place where no matter who treated us how we did not care hoots. It was just us against each other. In fact I thoroughly enjoyed the part where I could tag along with whoever agreed to take charge of me. Be it aunt in Udupi, chokkadi or Rama dodamma and Bhaskar dodappa of Kalianpura.

I will be honest here. Kalianpura was not my favorite choice because Rama and Bhaskar's kids were two decades older than I. Rama is my mother's sister and older to her by easy sixteen years and my uncle/dodappa aka Rama's husband almost a twenty.That did not leave very much in common for us with them except one gleaming fact that even when Bhaskar Dodappa was fifty his heart was that of a ten year old child. He had this amazing ability to understand our needs and provide us with exactly what we asked for. When he was in Kalianpura no one missed the chance to be around him. Without him Kalianpura was so deserted that ironically even Rama dodamma, who could never stand her husband, shuddered at the idea of being lonely. But she did not have much of a choice. My dodappa worked in hotel in Maharastra and he wanted to work for a few more years so that he could retire without having to worry about his retirement. Then it felt stupid but now I understand where he was coming from.

Among all the relatives I have ever had some were good and some were mean. But dodappa was one person who liked everyone equally. He did not exactly have a happy marriage. Rama dodamma as the entire world knows is a control freak. In her prime she was known to spend dodappa's money like water on everyone except her people that includes her husband and children. Her behavior always concerned dodappa but who was to say? Being the eldest she practically steered the yelluru family ship and managed her house in Kallianpura all on her own.

Inspite of their marital squabbles both dodamma and dodappa loved each other's families and likewise. They would individually complain about their other half and then tell us how happy they were that we visited them. Not one day did I hear dodappa say us that we were not his people. He was good to us and to his people ever the same. That is one quality of his that stuck with me and I tried it but then I chose to have a happy marriage over a happy brady bunch and distressed couple. Maybe I am selfish but then thats how it was in my time and still is.

The kinds of Bhaskar dodappa's are rare to see and find. The games he played, the songs he taught, the fruits he plucked and dozen of other things he did for us made me wonder why did he hang out so much with us kids when elders in there were busy talking everything above the earth and below the sky. Out of curiosity I one day asked him and he said,"If I sit in there and talk crap the way they do then I will end up grumpy and die early. Children are like God and when with them I feel closer to God! It diverts my energy from the unpleasentness of my married life." Saying so he gave out a laugh that was similar to that of a hyena.

Come to think of it what he said was true. We all claim not to gossip but we do. We all end up with agendas in a meeting whereas kids play aimlessly. Of course dodappa was a man and he could afford to be careless unlike dodamma who had to do all the chores. Maybe dodappa did not grow up after all. Maybe dodamma did want to be a collector and not marry dodappa. Maybe they could not stand each other but yet they loved others unconditionally. Something that still amazes me. Is it not true about so many couples in India who are forced against their will to spend life with each other. Maybe that's how they chose to deal with their problems.Be vocal about not being able to stand each other but love whom they felt for?

Whatever it was for me Bhaskar dodappa was a person who made good memories for me. Made me look forward for more surprises. So many of us cousins still talk about our good days with him. Earlier we would talk and say maybe we should call and talk to him and then we would forget or postpone thinking maybe not now, maybe some other time.

An action today I regret because last Sunday when I spoke to my sister about him I realized that even if I did call dodappa I would never be able to talk to him. That I will never be able to hear him laugh or complain. Never feel the warmth in his voice again because Bhaskar dodappa slept a sleep so deep from which there is no waking up.

Yes, a reality I realized! None of us are immortals but death never seizes us to take by surprise and shock. It hurts to think that he is gone! Forever! All that now lives, are his memories! Cherished forever!Surprisingly when I think of his smiling face and fun times we had my pain turns into a smile and I am happy again.

That's Bhaskar dodappa! Not a hero or a warrior. In fact he did not lead a glorious life or have a wonderful ideal family or marriage for that matter!

He was just a normal man with simple aspirations. A boy stuck in a man's body. Probably married to the wrong person. Yet he lived. He had a choice to be sad but he smiled. He touched hearts and held hands. He sang away his misery and gave us a rhyme, which we all can hum, look forward and know that somewhere there he is watching us and he knows that he will be missed and loved always as our beloved dodappa/uncle or as he always said,"Ramano purshe!" (Rama's husband--Thats how people identified him, his wife's husband and he found it indignantly hillarious)